Hitting rock bottom doesn’t guarantee change because suffering alone isn’t what transforms people—it’s how they respond to that suffering.
Many people believe that if they hit a low enough point, they’ll be “forced” to change. But that’s not always the case. Some stay stuck, repeating the same cycles, even when everything is falling apart. Why?
1. Rock Bottom Can Numb You, Not Motivate You
Instead of inspiring action, deep suffering can create emotional paralysis. When you’re overwhelmed with guilt, shame, or fear, your brain goes into freeze mode instead of fight or flight. You feel stuck, powerless, and unable to take action—even though logically, you know you need to.
Example: Someone who gains a lot of weight might feel so ashamed and defeated that they avoid mirrors, social situations, or even thinking about solutions. The pain doesn’t push them forward—it shuts them down.
2. The Brain Resists Change, Even in Pain
Even when your current situation is unbearable, your brain still sees it as “the known.” Change, on the other hand, is the unknown, and the brain fears the unknown more than suffering.
- If your identity has been shaped around struggle, failure, or weight issues, change feels like a threat to who you are.
- If you’ve tried before and failed, your brain has “proof” that change is hard and painful.
- If food has been a comfort or coping mechanism, letting go of it feels like losing a part of yourself.
Example: Someone can be drowning in financial debt, but instead of fixing it, they ignore bills, take out more loans, and avoid looking at their bank account. They know the problem is getting worse, but avoiding it feels safer than facing it.
3. Rock Bottom Becomes Your “Normal”
If you’ve been struggling for a long time, your brain starts to accept suffering as the status quo. You tell yourself:
- “This is just how I am.”
- “I’ve always been this way.”
- “I’ve tried before, and nothing works.”
Over time, you stop believing that change is even possible. This is called “learned helplessness.” You feel powerless, so you stop trying—not because you can’t change, but because you don’t believe you can.
Example: A person who has been overweight for years may not even see weight loss as an option anymore. They see fit, healthy people as “different” from them, reinforcing the belief that change is out of reach.
4. The “I’ll Start Tomorrow” Trap
Pain can make people desperate for relief—but not necessarily for real change. Instead of making deep, lasting shifts, they look for quick relief:
- Overeating to feel better (even when they know it makes them worse).
- Watching motivational videos but never taking action.
- Saying “I’ll start tomorrow” to avoid facing the discomfort of starting now.
Pain creates urgency, but without a clear plan and belief in yourself, that urgency fades—and the cycle continues.
This is one of the hardest places to be—wanting to change but feeling unable to. Knowing things aren’t going in the right direction yet still struggling to find the fuel to take action. But being stuck doesn’t mean you’re incapable—it just means there’s something deeper holding you in place.
The first step to breaking free is understanding what’s keeping you here and why change feels so out of reach. That’s what I hoped to offer in this piece—insight into your struggle and, more importantly, a reminder that you’re not alone. You can climb out of this. It won’t happen overnight, but every small step forward is proof that you are moving. Keep going.